But they wouldn’t give him a game.

He went to Tasmania.

But then went home when he knew he was wanted.

And now he is going to NSWales.

He is saying it is for family reasons.

Well woman issues.

But with Marcus North strolling into the number 6 position, and Mitchell Johnson out batting Michael Hussey, Shane might be worried he might not get back into the side.

What better state to move to than NSWales.

Yet again Shane Watson will lose some fans.

Not sure if he has any left.

What must Moises Henriques and Steve Smith be thinking.

I would be pissed, some dude moves in just because of his girlfriend and suddenly my position is shaky.

I’d wanna gouge his eyes out.

That is just me.

The bigger question is who will Shane Watson play for next.

I’ve never had any contact from him or his family, but i’d doubt they would be big CWB fans.

So when he found out his comeback game was against the mighty vics, he probably though, I’m going fucm them cunts up to piss off Jrod.

Luckily only Shane did.

In a total of 8/257 he stands erect, naked, nude and oiled up as a pillar on manliness with his 114*.

Being that he has scored it off only 140 odd balls it would seem he has decided to keep listening to Greg Chappell, who is trying to turn Watson into Freddie  lite.

This sort of score should be enough to make me say Watson has played well, but yet again the Vics are playing a second class bowling attack, this time even resting Damien Wright.

Eyelids Pattinson is the leader of an attack wth John Wayne Hastings, Jon FSOB Holland and Steven Gilmour.

Not exactly scream inducing.

Even if it includes a man with test experience and an all rounder with a cool name.

Watson, who only days ago was worried that Mitchell Johnson could move up to number 6 for Australia, carried this Queensland line up on his impressive metrosexual shoulders.

But it must be a worry that Queensland are struggling against what is essentially the Victoria ‘A’ attack, Dirty Dirk, Angryman harwood, Crazy Clint McKay and Damien Wright are out, but are expected for the final at the junction oval.

However after the first session you’d have to agree it’s all New South Wales, who have won the toss and been dominant with the bat. That is, if you can call 3/39 dominant. Fortunately Twenty20 final hero Brett Rohrer 27(59) and everyone’s favourite ranga Dominic Thornley 18(40) steadied the sinking blue ship, taking us through to lunch at 3/81.

Looking at the Gabba this year, we see the following innings totals:

• QLD vs TAS – 236, 106, 62, 144*

• QLD vs VIC – 245, 343, 150, 45*
• QLD vs SA – 352, 411, 392, 334*
• QLD vs WA – 247, 236, 179, 193*

Which tells me it has not been a high scoring ground. The average completed innings total is 246, however considering the Blues are looking to gain first innings points I’d like at least 300 in the bank.

Queensland also have what I feel is a flakey middle order, despite it containing three Internationals in Andrew Symonds, Shane Watson and James Hopes. Fortunately Symonds is pants at state level, Watson is in his first game back from injury, and Hopes has scored 1, 6, 4, 32, 12, and 35 this year.

For those wanting to follow the match from work, there’s occasional updates here, and a less frequently updated scorecard here.

Happy Phillip Hughes Day and Carn the Blues!

The hair is real

While there I came across an interesting story about Nathan Bracken learning to bowl spin to get himself back into the Baggy Green Test squad.

For mine the idea has a lot of merit. The selectors get wood when someone can bowl slow. Spinning the ball does not appear to be a necessity, nor is a decent record at shield level. As long as you claim to be a spinner you can get the baggy green for a test or two before getting dumped quicker than a knocked up Britney.

In recent memory we gave Beau Casson a test in the West Indies before dropping him and tearing up his central contract, Bryce McGain was a virtual selection before his shoulder imploded, Cameron White got 3 Tests as our very own answer to Ashley Giles (not that anyone ever asked that question), Jason Krezkya played a test and took 12 wickets to be dropped then picked up a training injury, and Nathan Hauritz also had a shot in Adelaide.

Bracken is tending towards the Funky Miller style of right-arm off breaks in the 90-95 kph range, and this makes a hell of a lot of sense. As the worlds’ top ranked one-day bowler he has the experience, temperament and man-hair that will help him become a success in the spinning role.

Also it’s refreshing to see a player who on paper really could be in the Baggy Green squad go and do something about it rather than just bítch to the media about non-selection. Brad Hodge if you’re reading this, give yourself an uppercut.

The final reason this is a good idea is that Ricky and the selectors are abnormally excited by any player who has a dual purpose. We’ve got Andrew Symonds as a specialist no 6 batsman who doesn’t score any runs/gun fielder, Shane Watson as a bowler/opening/no 7/catwalk diversion, Michael Hussey who bats 5/bowls impotent medium pace/couriers hats to fine leg, Simon Katich to open the batting/not bowl cause Ricky doesn’t give him the ball and Matthew Hayden to apply pressure to the top order/preach the gospel/píss off the 3rd world.

Curiously, Bracken claims his biggest obstacle in becoming a spinner is talking his captains into throwing him the ball on a short run-up. Here’s a brainwave, bowl well in the nets and prove yourself to them. Or even better, bowl the first ball normally then just fúck ‘em and bowl your spinners. If you’re half decent they’ll be on board in no time.

Us Victorians are happy with that.

Greg Shipperd, our commander in chief, wants more.

Ship is not Victorian.

He doesn’t get it.

2 Victorians is a landmark moment.

Like receiving porn from your aunty, or finding a thousand dollars in unmarked bills.

Ship thinks that Cameron White should have been picked ahead of Shane Watson.

Does he think he is in Western Australia or something.

In what world does he think the selectors would pick the big bear ahead of the son of Trevor Hohns, Shane Watson.

You’re not in Kansas any more Ship.

2 Victorians in the test squad is fucking amazing, count your lucky stars you got one.

While it makes sense in theory that Cameron White would play ahead of Shane Watson in a sub continent sort of way.

It doesn’t make sense in a selectors of the Australian test team sort of way.

If you break it down you could say that as White is a better player of spin than Watson, and a somewhat handier spin option than Watson, he should be picked.

That is how it works for other states Ship.

Other states also get players picked when they have had good performances.

Not here, here we take two players, in the team, and we don’t worry about little things like the fact that other players we have are more suited to playing for Australia, or have a better record.

We take what we can get.

Because we are Victoria, home of one or two Australian players at a time.

If we are lucky.

And no I didn’t start them myself, because although I think it’s a good idea, I didn’t want to be the one to jinx him. So now that it’s already circulating, I can comment without guilt.

Over at Are you a left arm chinaman they asked a rather long winded yet eloquent question about Our Bryce. So I will try and answer it as best I can.

We all know Bryce McGain is older than Jesus, but Jesus was a wicketkeeper, and they generally have to retire at a younger age. Problems with their hands and such.

Leg spinners, with the exception of Warne and now MacGill, age exceptionally well, and no one has aged better than Our Bryce.

So lets look at his chances of playing:

The positives

Is he bowling well enough to play for Australia, fu©k yeah.

Very rarely these days do Australian spinners dominate domestically. Funky was the last who springs to mind. Bryce is continually taking wickets, and getting out good batsmen, what more can the selectors ask for?

He is on track for a 40 wicket season, thems good numbers and he is bowling with the leading wicket taker in the competition at the other end.

He is the only man to derail Simon Katich this year, who as we know, is a good player of leg spin (for a crab).

Where is the first test again, oh that’s right, his home ground, boom.

He has experience on his side, not so much first class experience, but life experience that only elderly gentleman can have.

He knows his craft inside and out, and he isn’t some part timer who happens to get wickets.

There isn’t much footage of him, so who ever India’s coach ends up as, he won’t have much to go on.

He generally seems like a nice guy (how else could he become Cricket with balls Own), and since in my life I have had negative experiences with the two other alternatives, I would say he is the nicest option.

Right at the moment he is hardly bowling a bad ball, his length and flight were flawless against the New South Welshman.

Stuart MacGill is falling apart.

He can bowl all day, which against the Indians could come in handy.

The Negatives

Stuart MacGill has 200 test wickets, Brad Hogg has been playing international cricket for a long time now.

Playing your first test against India when you’re a leg spinner is like sending a goalie out to face Brazil on his first International. Laxman, Dravid, Tendulkar & Dhoni, oh my.

He has played only ten first class games, half of them this year.

Brad Hogg has taken less wickets this year than McGain, but he does have the superior average and strike rate.

He is from Victoria, so he has the wrong shade of blue cap on his head.

Shaun tait is back baby, and he so wants to knock off some Indian scalps.

Ponting likes class players, and what Ponting wants Ponting often gets. Ponting wants MacGill, if MacGill isn’t fit, then it shall be interesting to see what Ponting wants.

He is the same age as the two alternatives, so it may be fresh blood, but it aint young blood. Even if he is well preserved.

I like him, so like Craig Howard and Ian Harvey before him, that weight could be the one to sink him.

The Verdict

There are very few surprises when it comes to selection these days in Australia. Other than Shane Watson. In general the Australian selectors play it safe, Bryce is not the safe option. Kerry O’Keefe is talking him up, so now all he needs is Terry Jenner, Ian Chappell and a Rupert Murdoch paper on his side and he is really no chance.

I want to believe they are thinking of him as a realistic option, but I just can’t see him getting picked. I think if MacGill is fit, Ponting will demand him, and if not, they’ll take the man they know over the man they don’t.

But aint it nice to be mentioned.

Update, MacGill is out for the first 2 tests. It’s down to Tait (pontings bag man in the wc), Hogg (the semi logical choice) or McGain (Cricket with balls Own). The choice is obvious.

I got to the ground just after the wild man Dirk Nannes (say it out loud now) finished his spell and 3 New South Welshman.

Shane Harwood came up with a new variation on the Tony Greig theory of straight and full in one day games. He decided to keep the straight, but forget about full and just bounces the batsmen with two men out. Slowed Haddin down, next over he went out forcing a ball that wasn’t there.

Brett Lee was sent out as a pinch hitter. Not every intimidating when a batsman walks out with an arm guard though is it. He then made 11 off 14 before Thornley scorched him. Probably all for the best though, because Moises Henriques came out next.

The kid looks nothing like a cricketer. But he sure acts like one. He could be the complete opposite of Shane Watson. He made 11 off 5 balls, and he made them so damn easy you wonder why they even bothered giving Lee an arm guard and sending him out there. His bowling wasn’t brilliant, but it was fresh and certainly more potent than Thornely’s.

Future PM (next election) took a blinder at long on after miss reading the ball and then plucking it one handed. He then ran in from long on and did a weird rock the baby dance.

Being that I am a MCG member, I sit next to the players area. Which means I get to see all the players girls, families and such. It’s good for a couple of reasons, one because you get to see the players off the field. And where there are fit and talented men there are bottle blondes, which are good to look at. Oh and also Bryce McGain’s mum, who seems like a nice lady.

Is it wrong I sometimes hope Klinger goes out? I’m sure he is a nice guy, and he is talented, but he just aint fun to watch.

Nsw definitely think Hussey doesn’t like it short and fast, I spoke to Sime on the way home and he said on the telly they were saying similar. He actually seemed to handle it ok I thought, and it certainly didn’t get him out.

Hussey has the best wrist work of any Australian I’ve ever seen. Nope scratch that, I remember this chick once, she was a magician.

Quiney is an interesting dude to watch bat. He looks like a club cricketer, he seems to over balance a lot, and he plays these weird guiding shots all the time. Then its like a switch is flicked and he just turns it on. He still bats like a club cricketer mind you, at no stage does his technique look perfect, but who cares, and the boy hits a mean ball.

Just as Quiney and Hussey got their funk on, Katich brought on the power play. Not earlier when the small and diminutive Klinger was batting. Twas odd. It lost them the game, as Quiney and Hussey smashed Brett Lee and Stuart Clark everywhere. Not even Lee’s pompous did I tell you I’m the leader of Australia’s attack slow the Vics down.

In the massacre Hussey charged and then backed away as Lee followed him with a bouncer that he sliced away for four. Don’t try it at home kiddies.

Michael Clarke sat in the dug out, with a tracksuit on, even though it was hot, maybe he has the mumps too. This didn’t stop him giving advice to Katich all game. Auditioning for Punters job are we?

As Nsw lost the game I tried to come up with a traffic pun about them being the Speed blitz blues. Then I realised something, the name is funny enough on its own.

Victoria made light work of an attack with Bracken, Lee, Clark and Hauritz in it.

Quiney especially, the man was brutal, I haven’t seen a non Hussey/Elliott/Jones/Hodge guy dominate for Victoria against a good attack like that. He was unbelievable, he really did treat the bowlers like they were club grade and he needed to get home and feed his cat.

Should I get excited?

Memo to MCG, the sightscreen at the city end makes a weird high pitched screeching noise when moved. Is there anything we can do about it, I know it won’t be a problem during internationals, you know the games with the crowd and such.

Special mention to Dirk Nannes (say it) who tried to imitate Quentin Lynch, the west coast eagle forward by charging at a ball so hard he forgot to use his hands and chested it away instead. Nice work Dirk.

This one is filled with my observations, right, wrong and otherwise. I’m not going to over stat you or dwell on what his child hood coaches or Terry Jenner might say.

Batting.

Like most tall batsmen, can look awkward when not in great touch. Works his way into an innings well. I always feel like he gives you a chance if you attack the stumps early on. Once he is on song he looks like an ancient Greek warrior, and really it is only his confidence that gets him out. He bats like an all rounder, similar to someone like Freddy Flintoff. This is a strength and a weakness.

He makes breathtaking 70’s and 80’s. He needs to make great 130’s, hell completely awe inspiring 200’s would be better. Can look a bit odd playing a short ball, but it does not seem to be a weakness. Hits the ball as hard as anyone in the world. That six off Dan Cullen a couple of weeks ago is still travelling. Look he can bat, but unless he averages over 50 at first class level in Australia you’d have to say he’ll struggle to ever make the national side.

Bowling.

I remember seeing him when he first came onto the scene and he seemed to have much better control than he does now. The two things I notice with his bowling are that he bowls way too many legside balls and that good batsmen milk him with ease. The legside stuff is ugly, he is essentially an Aussie version of Anil Kumble, and Kumble hardly misses the spot. White has to do the same. The other one is tricky, Everytime I have seen White bowl to a really good batsmen, Lehmann, Langer, and Collingwood they seem to score off him seemingly at will.

It’s not all bad news though. He has great variation, and when he is bowling well he seems to be able to trouble batsmen. His action does look rushed but I understand he is trying to get through the crease. Even though he is a quick leg spinner he may in fact be suited to the longer form of the game when it comes to bowling.

Fielding.

Great slipper, has good stillness that is the most important thing about being at first slip. In the one day game he may not be as quick as the other fielders, but he reads the game to so well and has such great coordination that he still causes more than his fair share of troubles. Looks ugly, but gets results, I knew a girl like that once.

Captaining.

Probably his greatest strength. Problem is he may never get to show it if he doesn’t start making big scores with the bat. Seems to understand batsmen really well when in the field. He understands the best place to put his field, and when he doesn’t he is willing to experiment until he finds the right mix. Like all bowling captains he doesn’t bowl himself when he should and bowls himself when he probably shouldn’t.

Problems.

Not enough big scores. Ponting doesn’t seem to rate him as a bowler. Ponting doesn’t seem to like his constant advice on strategy in the field. His bowling isn’t good enough right at the moment for international cricket. He is behind Shane Watson, Andrew Symonds, and Brad Hogg. He can’t seem to not annoy Ponting. Good batsmen like facing him.

Plusses.

Has enough talent to be a 10 year player for Australia. Has an abnormally great cricket mind. Is still young enough to work on his batting and bowling. Is immensely respected by his teammates in Victoria. Can hit the ball further than anyone else. Is possibly the best 2020 domestic player in the world. Is a better middle order batsmen than Shane Watson.

The Package.

Would probably be batting number 7 for most countries in the world right now, maybe even 6. But he aint in most countries in the world. He needs runs, he needs maidens and he needs to play a long spell for Australia in the one day game so he can get his feet.

The Uncle J Rod verdict.

He is one of my favourites, however my favourites don’t have good selection records, (Chuck, Elliott, and Harvey)

Australia’s loss is Victorias & Somersets gain.

Will have a long career with Australia but it may not be in the format he wants.

I won’t take into account the 2020 Kentucky fried rat crap, and as for the one day ing cup thing I think the Victorians and Tasmanians look good. But what would I know.

New South Wales-

This looks to be the weakest NSW squad ever. Richard Chee Quee would be a walk up starter in this side. However the team could be given a major boost if Bracken or MacGill don’t play test cricket.

Batting is very light on, Brad Haddin and Simon Katich are going to have to carry the team. Thronley is handy, but he is a good five or six, in this side he may have to bat higher. Moises Henriques is only 20, but I’ve already heard so much about this kid. So far he hasn’t shown much at the top level. This could be his year. He will probably have to bat top 6. Hopefully they don’t over bowl him as well.

Bowling could be interesting. Bollinger has been spruiked up, and the dude looks 45. He played well for Australia A, I’ve never rated him, but when Bracken is playing for Australia Bollinger is the man. Matthew Nicholson is 33 and was really never that good. Hauritz and Casson are vying for the back up to MacGill, Casson would be my choice. Will be interesting to see which way they go.

The rub, they look weak to me, but they are NSW and they are very rarely bad. They look a little shallow in batting and fast bowling, but as usual they seem to have shit loads of spinners to decide from. Likely finish 4-6.

Queensland (new texas)-

They look strong, they always look strong. They are old Bichel, Maher, Kasprowicz, Perron and Love are all on the wrong side of 30.

Their batting is classy, Shane Watson opening the batting is interesting. Martin Love the sex symbol of state cricket is still a good player, and is unlucky to have not played more tests. I haven’t heard of any young batsmen coming through, but they have 4 classy performers and Chris Hartley the keeper is a damn fine batsman himself.

Bowling, Nofke, Bichel, Kasprowicz and Jurgenson is a good fast bowling quartet. But its Queensland what else would you expect. Still no spinner, but its Queensland what else would you expect. Watson may be playing more games for Queensland than he expected this year, but he won’t be bowling.

The rub, a lot of these guys are getting ready to retire and move to the gold coast. They still have class, Watson and Kasprowicz are under injury clouds. Love and Maher must be nearing the end. Barring trips to the old people homes and emergency wards they should finish 1-3.

Now I’m tired I’ll do two more tomorrow.