Posted by Moses on January 20, 2009 under QLD, VIC | 
Man Cry
This evening will see Victoria and Queensland fight it out at the Gabba in a high stakes elimination final T20 match. The winner will not only gain entry to the lucrative world club championship, but also the privilege of a Twenty20 lesson from the top dog in Australian domestic Twenty20 cricket at the SCG on Sunday.
The Victorians are píssed off, as having their top players unavailable due to national service is a new problem for them. Now they’ll have to go without the services of Cameron White and David Hussey, who have a ODI on Friday and need their beauty sleep. There is no factual basis to reports that Cameron White Cried, again, at hearing the news, though it does sound likely.
Ryan Harris has been dropped from the national squad so will be available for Queensland, however they’ve replaced him with Mitchell Johnson so that’s probably worse for the New Texas Bulls, who’ll also be missing James Hopes.
CA have also denied requests for the players to be available of for the final, so NSW will be missing David Warner, Michael Clarke, Nathan Bracken, Brad Haddin and Nathan Hauritz.
This could well end up a good experience, as Michael Hussey is keen to explain IPL loyalties come before the state that bought you up, so depending on which IPL teams make the club championship any Australian side could be without their stars when the big bucks are on offer.
Victoria squad: Brad Hodge (capt), Aiden Blizzard, Rob Quiney, Aaron Finch, Andrew McDonald, Matthew Wade, Adam Crosthwaite (wk), Damien Wright, Shane Harwood, Jon Holland, Bryce McGain, Dirk Nannes.
Queensland squad: Chris Simpson (capt), Wade Townsend, Ryan Broad, Lee Carseldine, Nathan Reardon, Glen Batticciotto, Craig Philipson, Chris Hartley (wk), Ryan Harris, Nathan Rimmington, Ben Cutting, Alister McDermott, Ben Laughlin.
Tags: aaron finch, adam crosthwaite, aiden blizzard, alister mcdermott, andrew mcdonald, ben cutting, Ben Laughlin, brad haddin, brad hodge, bryce mcgain, cameron white, chris hartley, chris simpson, craig philipson, damien wright, david hussey, david warner, dirk nannes, gabba, glen batticciotto, james hopes, jon holland, lee carseldine, man cry, matthew wade, michael clarke, michael hussey, mitchell johnson, nathan bracken, nathan hauritz, nathan reardon, nathan rimmington, new texas bulls, rob quiney, ryan broad, ryan harris, shane harwood, T20, wade townsend
Posted by jrod on December 30, 2008 under NSW, VIC |
It is a good time to be Vicotiran.
Chris Rogers and Damien Wright sensed this.
David Hussey has always known.
Oh, so you don’t believe me.
Brad Hodge, test spot.
Bryce McGain, test spot*.
Cameron White, test spot.
Peter Siddle, test spot.
And now, from no where, and here is where we thank Merv Hughes, Andrew McDonald.
How the fuck is this happening.
Is Merv beating Andrew Hilditch up.
Suddenly it is raining Victorians, and not before time.
Remember when a test player was injured, or dropped, or retiring, and you said to yourself, I think whatshisname could go straight in, shame he is a vic.
No more.
Now even when there are other options, even NSWelsh ones, a vic goes in.
White/McGain before Casson.
Siddle before Bollinger.
Now McDonald before Noffke, Henriques, Geeves, North, and Smith.
There is a chance that there has been a huge mistake, and that Andrew McDonald is not the man who was supposed to be picked.
Congratulations to Andrew, and lets hope we can get a Vic to stick in the side for a while.
*He did get a spot, if not a test.
Posted by Moses on December 9, 2008 under NSW, VIC |
The hair is real
I was reading an excellent new blog (well I just found it anyway) called
The Old Batsman which I’d recommend you all check out.
While there I came across an interesting story about Nathan Bracken learning to bowl spin to get himself back into the Baggy Green Test squad.
For mine the idea has a lot of merit. The selectors get wood when someone can bowl slow. Spinning the ball does not appear to be a necessity, nor is a decent record at shield level. As long as you claim to be a spinner you can get the baggy green for a test or two before getting dumped quicker than a knocked up Britney.
In recent memory we gave Beau Casson a test in the West Indies before dropping him and tearing up his central contract, Bryce McGain was a virtual selection before his shoulder imploded, Cameron White got 3 Tests as our very own answer to Ashley Giles (not that anyone ever asked that question), Jason Krezkya played a test and took 12 wickets to be dropped then picked up a training injury, and Nathan Hauritz also had a shot in Adelaide.
Bracken is tending towards the Funky Miller style of right-arm off breaks in the 90-95 kph range, and this makes a hell of a lot of sense. As the worlds’ top ranked one-day bowler he has the experience, temperament and man-hair that will help him become a success in the spinning role.
Also it’s refreshing to see a player who on paper really could be in the Baggy Green squad go and do something about it rather than just bítch to the media about non-selection. Brad Hodge if you’re reading this, give yourself an uppercut.
The final reason this is a good idea is that Ricky and the selectors are abnormally excited by any player who has a dual purpose. We’ve got Andrew Symonds as a specialist no 6 batsman who doesn’t score any runs/gun fielder, Shane Watson as a bowler/opening/no 7/catwalk diversion, Michael Hussey who bats 5/bowls impotent medium pace/couriers hats to fine leg, Simon Katich to open the batting/not bowl cause Ricky doesn’t give him the ball and Matthew Hayden to apply pressure to the top order/preach the gospel/píss off the 3rd world.
Curiously, Bracken claims his biggest obstacle in becoming a spinner is talking his captains into throwing him the ball on a short run-up. Here’s a brainwave, bowl well in the nets and prove yourself to them. Or even better, bowl the first ball normally then just fúck ‘em and bowl your spinners. If you’re half decent they’ll be on board in no time.
Tags: all rounders, andrew symonds, ashley giles, baggy green, beau casson, brad hodge, bryce mcgain, cameron white, colin miller, man hair, matthew hayden, michael hussey, nathan bracken, nathan hauritz, shane watson, simon katich, spin bowling, test squad
Posted by jrod on October 8, 2008 under VIC |
Bryce McGain – The Old Man will be too busy to take you to the park this year little boy.
Goal, to get in that test team, and stay there.
Our NN: Nice Bryce, the Facebook Kid, and Cricket With Balls Own ….
Clinton McKay – In the offseason he has been demoted a spot in the rankings by Eyelids great performance in England. Knowing the injuries to Vic Quicks he will still have an active dance card.
Goal, to become a regular before the old guys die.
Our NN: Crazy
Dirk Nannes – Someone at Cricket Victoria called this guy a hack, grab your pitch forks.
Goal, to not break down.
Our NN: Dirty Dirk
Darren Pattinson – Victoria’s first overseas export since forever comes back with more wickets than Andy Caddick, yes he still plays. Now he must be in the top 4 bowlers in Victoria, and should bowl 1st change.
Goal, to play like he does for Notts.
Our NN: Eyelids.
James Pattinson – The Brother of Eyelids has a lot expected of him, should get a chance in the limited overs stuff, and let us see what he can do.
Goal, Regular contributions in limited opportunities in limited overs.
Our NN: Eyelashes
Rob Quiney – Should be a permenant middle order player this year, and should feast on this like it is his last meal. Remember that day against Clark and Lee young man.
Goal, permanency.
Our NN: 10 points
Chris Rogers – The Ginger opening batsman has come to us after an average season with WA, but a stunning one with Derbyshire, but that was in Divvie 2, so no one cares.
Goal, must top 1000 runs.
Our NN: unknown
Peter Siddle – Has gone onto great things since this website loved him and yet knew nothing about him. Now we know he is in India and was a woodchopper.
Goal, what he had last year will do us.
Our NN; Peter Sizzle.
Matthew Wade – Will have to fight the X man for a spot, and we know the X man doesn’t play fair.
Goal, if he gets in, he needs to make runs, lots of runs and work very very hard on his keeping.
Our NN: Fumbles
Cameron White – Could be busy a lot of the time, but when he is around, we expect more of the same.
Goal, green cap.
Our NN: the big bear
Damien Wright – Has come from the team with the most young quick bowlers around, to the tea with the most bowlers around period, weird choice. I can’t see him playing unless there is injuries, and there will be injuries.
Goal, to get regular games.
Our NN: Gerard
Tags: bryce mcgain, cameron white, chris rogers, clinton mckay, damien wright, darren pattinson, dirk nannes, james pattinson, matthew wade, peter siddle, rob quiney
Posted by jrod on September 15, 2008 under VIC |
Obviously we would be even bigger assholes.
Our accents would be ridicioulous.
And Brad Hodge would be a match fixer.
But the South African test team would look like this.
Chris Rogers
Graeme Smith
Brad Hodge
Jacques Kallis
David Hussey
Hashim Amla
Cameron White
Mark Boucher
Morne Morkel
Dale Steyn
Bryce McGain
Peter Siddle (12th)
Not a bad side all said and done.
Cameron wouldn’t last long not being captain.
Boucher would be under pressure from Wade and the X man.
Could win on almost all surfaces.
Especially suited to Indian conditions, with the two quicks and kallis, mcgain, white, and then three part time offies who can all take wickets in Smith, Hussey, and Hodge.
A South African team with 5 spin options, you know this is fantasy.
Posted by jrod on September 12, 2008 under VIC |
Victorians rejoice, we are back baby.
2 Victorians in the test squad, one all but guaranteed a test place, and one a young gun.
Do a little dance, make a little love, etc…
I said not that long ago that while as Victorians we think the selectors are against us, the truth is the only player who should be in the test team is Bryce McGain.
While it should have happened in December, 10 months later it is here.
Merv stood up, but only when there was no other options.
So we cannot give him any credit for that one.
But for Peter SIZZLE that is where he gets credit.
That is the good one.
Because not only did he get Peter Sizzle into the squad, but he assholed chief Victorian tormentor Ashley Noffke, who probably should have been there on performances and for team balance.
Merv is coming of age.
Most importantly Beautiful Beau Casson is no where to be seen.
Yet again Merv, you have out done yourself.
This is the best Victorian test squad in a long time.
Obviously there are still omissions, Future PM must have been unlucky to miss out, but Katich & Watson have been picked as Symonds replacement, rather than doing with the must likely like for like selection in Hussey.
But let us not get bogged down in negativity, this is a moment for joy.
Bryce has the main spinners spot for, hopefully, as long as he deserves it.
Peter Siddle may have booked his trip with one good bowling spell in India.
With the ashes coming around, Siddle is in the drivers seat to book his trip, and with Johnson still not legit, and Clark can’t keep probing at this rate for ever.
This could be an exciting period for Victorian Cricket, about fucking time.
Well done Merv, but we do expect more of this.
And well done Bryce, you are the number one spinner in Australia, you deserve this, now go take some wickets.
Posted by Moses on July 2, 2008 under VIC |
Jamie Siddons is suing Cricket Australia because his shoulder hurts.
What’s next? Boony suing VB for sclerosis? Warney suing Nokia for RSI? Bryce McGain suing Cricket with Balls for distorting his Google results?
Perhaps Jamie should take up an American coaching gig when his Bangladesh role expires.
Posted by Moses on April 8, 2008 under NSW, VIC |
Cricket Australia have updated their millionare list, no doubt Uncle J will likely go completely bonkers over this despite his recent tough love campaign for Bryce McGain. Fair enough too. I think it’d be prudent for me to illustrate his pain as a pie chart.
Gee that’s a lot of blue. Some would say not enough blue, and they’d be right.
The big in’s for the Moomoo cup champions – the mighty New South Wales Bluetongues – are Doug ‘Ballbag’ Bollinger and Beau ‘Repair’ Casson and Simon ‘looks like Moses’ Katich.
Brad Haddin is the sole keeper in the squad of 25, seems like good thinking there unless we do anything rash.. like go on tour.
Shaun Marsh takes over Chris Rogers’ WA quota spot, while the Foreyed Gingah has been struck by the Mexican Meningitis – any link with Victoria and a cricketer should instantly be excluded from all contact with the national side. Serves him right really for leaving the Westies, he should have stuck around with the other NSW rejects if he really wanted to press for higher bank balances.
David Hussey is likely to be the first player tainted with the Mexican Meningitis brush to develop potent anti-bodies since the great Shane Keith Warne retired, as such he has gained a six figure package to go with his lucrative IPL cash cow.
Brad Hodge continues to be an exception to all rules of common sense and decency. Unless he goes and finds a hot blonde wife he has NO PLACE in the baggy green.
Both Cullen’s have been left Mullin over their new lifestyle choices after what can only be described as sh1thouse seasons. Some might say they were dropped for sharing a border with Victoria that isn’t protected by a river. They could well be right.
Tags: baggy green, beau casson, bollinger, brad haddin, brad hodge, bryce mcgain, central contracts, chris rogers, Cricket Australia, david hussey, doug bollinger, simon katich
Posted by jrod on March 19, 2008 under NSW, VIC |
Is it over?
Can I return to normal programming?
My boys have been humbled.
There is a passage from V for Vendetta that sums up how I felt before the game.
Dominic: What do you think will happen?
Finch: What usually happens when people without guns stand up to people *with* guns.
Victoria has a very good team, but not a great team, NSWales has an armoury.
The pain of the situation is the false hope that you build up.
If NSWales were 2 for 400 on the first day, I could have said, well ok, they are too good, the deck is too flat, we aren’t up to it.
But on the first day Peter Sizzle and Dirty Dirk threw Nswales around a little.
Siddle was damn near unplayable, and Dirty Dirk got out some very handy batsmen with some very good bowling.
Even the batting looked good whilst the big three were around, but once they went, Victoria went into collapse mode, and that as they say, was severely fu©ked up the ass.
Nice bryce got thrown around the crease like a blow up doll.
Dirty Dirk was fast but not particularly virile.
Future Pm David Hussey was assassinated and then performed seppuku.
The Big Bear and the X man got some small grooves happening in the second dig, but were down right ugly in the first.
And SOT Jewell was awoken from his slumber, but still couldn’t quite get up the hill.
Course there were good things.
Peter Sizzle took 9 wickets with a shoulder that Jesus couldn’t fix. (His shoulder reco is next week).
Brett Lee did not make a hundred, Stuey MacGill got slapped around.
We made them win the game.
They only made 280 in the first dig.
Three finals in one year.
From this side we only lose 1 player for next year.
Bryce McGain gained good experience, always good for a young chap like him.
But please.
Next year, oh for fu©ks sake, let it be next year we win, please aliens let us be good and win the shield next year, or let us be sh1t and for it not to matter by January.
Thanks boys, been a pleasure following you as always.
Never boring.
Posted by Moses on March 16, 2008 under NSW, VIC |
Day 3 and the mighty NSW Bluetongues are pushing their lead past 100. My abscense from Moomoo cup final commentary has been noticed by Uncle J-Rod, and for that I can only apologise and make feeble excuses, such as I was away planning for a wedding.
Anyways, Day’s 1 and 2 have seen a pendulum of momentum ebbing and flowing like a see-saw.(take that feng shui Buchanan)..
The Blues failed to put on a monumental total in their first dig due to some excellent bowling from Side Siddle who looked menacing and Dirty Dirk Nannes who shaved especially for the final yet still had a main by the end of Day 1.
Jaques looked shaken early on but composed himself for a free flowing 50, albeit one that took 100 balls to get his eye in before it started to flow freely. Katto also looked good and will be dissapointed at having scooped one to mid-off off that leggie with the Zimmer frame. Haddin too was looking pretty comfortable and will be dissapointed to have fallen to a ripper from Siddle late in the day. Could have struck him outside the line, probably not but maybe.
We did manage a competitive score of 281 but after winning the toss and with the pitch already deteriorating a total of 400+ could have taken the game out of Mexican reach. Highlight for the Victorians would be Cameron White bowling his first maiden in Test Cricket – 3 overs, 1 maiden, 0/9.
The Vics had a real chance to impose a first lead, though some inspired fielding from Thornley broke up the openers just when things were starting to turn their way. Both form batsmen got starts and a first innings lead was looking like a real possibility, till Hodge left a ripper from Macgilla to be bowled.
Some will claim PM Hussey was a little unlucky, and I’d agree – any poor bastard who has to leave their native Perth to get a game of cricket cause the Warriors are so stacked with NSW and Zimbabwean rejects and ends up having to play for Mexican’s has it coming to them.
Once the tail was exposed Katto gave the ball to Binga and told him Dirty Dirk had been sweet talking Bingers. Don’t quite know why he bothered swinging it though, seemed the straight one took all the wickets.
The battle of Australia’s two best leggies will prove an interesting tussle, though I’m expecting Macgilla to take full advantage of the 5th day conditions.
There’s some low cloud around today that should suit the Mexican’s, don’t think anyone’s told Hughes about that though. He’s 42 off 32 and the see saw is pointing North of the border.
Here’s to a 400+ lead.
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