Firstly Badonkadonk Ryder cuts up his hand whilst trying to have a p1ss.
Then junior boof Mark Cosgrove gets dropped for bad form and bad shape by South Australia.
He was less than impressed with being dropped, and even less so that weight was mentioned to the press, even though it was not advised to him.
But Mark lets be honest, you haven’t made a cracker this year.
Dizzy Gillespie and Manou have out batted you.
The only runs you’ve got this year, is the after mac crap.
Regardless of your weight, you have been in sh1t form, and the minute a fat man fails, they are gonna get rid of him quicker than a slim lined version.
Because you are costing them a fortune in catering bills.
If you make a thousand runs a year, they will pay for the extra extra extra large uniforms without flinching.
As the Sheffield Shield race for a home final intensifies, VIC have drawn first blood in the battle of the founding teams.
The Tap of Massies are off to a flyer at 0/150 with DiVenuto leading the way with 96(118) in his second last match in Australia. Tragically Ballbag Bollinger is unavailable due to a foot injury and his penetration is being deerly missed. Curiously we choose to bowl on a flat track, sure Katto has a plan….
Meanwhile the Mexican’s with mobiles have struck early against the Westies with dangerman Langer falling lbw to Wise. Chris Rogers is off to a solid start however, and once he makes 20 he could be the very NSWelshman we need to stick around to hurt em.
Update: The stars are aligning – Rogers has come good and moved on to 44(69) taking the NSW rejects to 1/84. And Thornley’s taken a wicket so the Map of Tassies are 1/160 with DiVenuto on 102(131).
I’m willing to admit that the Victorian selectors know more than I do about who should be selected.
Even Ray Bright.
I am willing to admit that, but I still must say that when one is trying to win a home final and all but ensure a Sheffield pura Shield cup victory, one must take its best bowlers.
According to media scuttlebutt (always wanted to use that word), Dirty Dirk Nannes and Gerard Denton are fit.
Yet, they are not playing Western Australia.
I understand this is some sort of operation cotton wool, keep the boys fit for the final.
But if they final is played in Sydney, reanimating the corpses of Ponsford & Miller may not help against a test strength NSWales.
In Melbourne I think we can win, even against Lee, Clarke, Clark, Jacques and Bracken.
In Sydney, not so much.
Today’s fast bowling line up is still pretty strong, Harwood, the Mule Wise and Lucky McKay.
It’s not a bad line up, but Dirty Dirk and Denton stroll into that line up, and Dirty Dirk likes the Waca.
Just a little odd is all.
Oh and I don’t really think the selectors are cleverer than me.
Victoria had fallen apart with the bat, David Hussey aside.
Dirty Dirk, Clinton and Harwood had done everything in their power, but the rain, and the circumstances were saying the game was over.
The score had got to 5/109 chasing 131.
I aint no mathematician, but I’d say that’s about 21 runs short.
Cameron had lost a bunch of overs from his quicks thanks to Duckylewis.
Bryce was the only front liner left, and he hadn’t bowled an over yet.
Victorian leg spinners have a good record under pressure in finals, well one of them does.
Bryce looked chubby, but that was cause he was wearing 4 tops, Tassie had turned very chilly.
Straight away he took a wicket, it wasn’t a spectacular ball, it probably bounced a bit more than Diven thought and he skewed it to point.
6/109.
Still a long way from a victory, but there was something happening.
Then two balls later he slides a ball past Xavier Doherty, who had a brain snap that would make OJ Simpson cringe.
7/109.
From there on in Bryce looked like he was bowling cluster bombs, one of which hit Geeves so straight in front Gilly and Jesus would have walked. Geeves didn’t, and was given not out.
Luckily for the Vics Dirty Dirk finally finished off Geeves and Bryce was left with Brendan Drew.
8/127.
Brendan is a big hitting tail ender, but against Bryce he looked like a drunken kitten.
Byrce didn’t have it all his own way with Drewy, the first edge he got was too sharp for Crosthwaite.
Luckily enough next ball he got a more manageable edge straight into the centre of his gloves, Bryce is nothing if not considerate of others.
9/128.
Bryce only had two balls left against Hilfenhaus, the first was a probing nut right at him.
Hilfy played it quite well.
The next ball, McGain threw it wide, remember even Muhammad Ali makes mistakes, and Hilfy looked quite good whilst leaving the ball.
And that was it.
McGain had done everything he could do.
5 overs.
2 maidens.
3 wickets (have not included Geeves due to bad LB call)
11 runs.
The next ball was edged by Turtle Birt, the dud Victorian who became the handy Tasmanian, and all of Bryce’s magical tricks were forgotten as the Tasmanians danced around the ground.
The wizard was left to stroke his beard.
BTW how cool would Bryce look with a long white beard.
She all but takes you to the the promise land, and then Travis the turtle Birt (former Victorian no hoper) gets an edge for 3.
I feel hollow inside, if Natalie Portman were in front of me right now, naked with a bottle of Canadian club, I couldn’t muster up the energy to have a drink, let alone avail myself of her nakedness.
Do you understand the depth of my sorrow.
Losing a game of cricket happens.
Losing a final against Tasmania happens (occasionally).
She all but takes you to the edge of the promise land, and then Travis the turtle Birt (former Victorian no hoper) gets an edge for 3.
I feel hollow inside, if Natalie Portman were in front of me right now, naked with a bottle of Canadian club, I couldn’t muster up the energy to have a drink, let alone avail myself of her nakedness.
Do you understand the depth of my sorrow.
Losing a game of cricket happens.
Losing a final against Tasmania happens (occasionally).
Victoria decided on not batting in this game, David Hussey (sign the petition) aside.
Hussey is made of a scientific polymer substance that is resistant to heat, cold and Victorian collapses.
How the Vics got Tasmania 9 wickets down for 130 runs is insane, and it took a Victorian, Birt, to win it from there.
Tassie have a great bowling line up. Hilfenhaus, Drew and Geeves are all what Tony Greig would call broad shouldered men, who bowl above 140 clicks. Xavier Doherty, is a weird dude, but he can definitely bowl, and has the best stutter ball in world cricket.
The Vics just had one of those days, they batted when the wicket was playing up, they picked a probot (klinger) ahead of a batsmen (blizzard), they lost 12 overs though massive stupidity, the rain inhibited Bryce and tassie got the best of the rain delays.
At least they put up a hell of a fight.
McGain and Dirty Dirk at the end were outstanding.
Dirty Dirk Nannes (say it) is the hulk with a beard, a man so powerful a thousand tranquillisers couldn’t bring him down.
Mcgain is like a wonderful wizard, I think he should have a long white beard.
But even these great men couldn’t turn the game far enough.
Realistically this is only a one dayer, but still it hurts, oh does it hurt.
If I don’t take a bunch of sleeping tablets and sexually strangle myself I may talk about the last few overs and that man Bryce tomorrow.
According to economists the market is the true indicator of life itself.
I think most economists are massive wankers, but since this theory suits my theory I am willing to use it.
According to the IPL auction David Hussey and Cameron White are worth more than Michael Hussey and Ricky Ponting.
Don’t give me any of that that’s because they might not be available for the whole tournament, cause neither will Brett Lee, and he still got a big bag of cash.
So the Market forces have spoken, Future PM comes in for his Brother King Probot, and Cam comes in as skipper ahead of Michael Clarke.
Simon Katich should continue to be ignored.
Ok perhaps this is a bit extreme, except the Krab Katrich bit.
But it does show the Victoria do have cricketers (and coaches) who are in demand, not in Australia, but internationally.
Even the ICL gave Ian Harvey a new mansion.
Offcourse not all Victorians were given cash, Brad Hodge was overlooked altogether.
Bradley will be picked up soon, because Loots Bosman and Ramesh Powar are playing but what about other Victorians.
Dirty Dirk Nannes – best 2020 domestic bowler, plus would be a great bollywood villain, starting price 800,00. But will need time off for snow boarding.
Andrew McDonald – Capable with either instrument, one of the most talented all rounders in the world. Also great marketing opportunity for McDonalds in India. 650,000.
Aiden Blizzard – ADD afflicted opening batsmen that has hit balls out of the Waca and radelaide oval. Headlines are easy to write. 575,000.
Bryce McGain – Blue Rinse leg spinner of unmeasurable talent. Probably the greatest leg spinner of all time, wait I’ll check, yup, best I can remember. IT specialist as well, they will come in handy in India. 525,000.
Adam Crosthwaite – improvising batsmen, and talented keeper. If not selected for his playing ability should get the nod for his commentary. 450,000.
Shane Harwood – if the IPL turns into the wrestling showcase it wants to be, who better than Harwood as the fast bowler who hates everyone, assuming he stays fit. 425,000.
Ken Piesse – with this many Victorians over there, they will need a proper cricket journalist, and who else but Ken. 150,000.
Jrod – I have already applied as chief blogger of the IPL. 900,001.
I could give a detailed report of the game where Victoria smoted NSWales.
But really, the game was over the minute Future PM David Hussey (sign the petition) went out to bat.
NSWales lost the toss, and the 5 spinners they had were never going to concern such upstanding citizens as Hussey, Hodge and Quiney.
The good news is that Tasmania will have seen us make 350, Dirty Dirk and Harwood got through the match unscathed and will be better for the runner.
This is most I’ve seen of Darren Pattinson, and he worries me, not as a bowler, as a bowler I like him, but on the way in to the wicket he seems to almost close his eyes, I’m afraid he’ll do himself a mischief.
Now onto Tasmania, to play against the butler and his crew.
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